Earthquake Heels

Oh, my devious friends and fellow patriots. I can hardly wait for the money to come rolling in from my new line of Earthquake Heels ladies' shoes! And when the dough rolls in, I promise to shower you all with the riches you deserve, just as soon as I sock away my first million denarii.

Rarely do I dream of ladies' apparel. At least not the kind that's worn in visible locations by the ordinary belle about town. So it was something of a novelty to dream of a new-fangled type of shoe that will flood the market. Well, you say, this has probably been done before, and you may be right. But I dreamed it and therefore I was compelled by my cruel muse to draw it and post it here, for the betterment of humanity.

Production will start soon at a small factory in Santa Banana, California. Yes, I know, I'm taking a vast liberty by saying they're hand-made in San Francisco when they're really slapped together from cheap Chinese components by child slave labor in the People's Republic of Lower Slobbovia and we only put them in boxes. But, at least there are hands involved in the manufacturing process, so it's not a complete lie, like those perpetrated by some advertisers we know. And the shoes are indeed made from all natural ingredients: both atoms and molecules are present in the final product -- not to mention protons, neutrons, and electrons (with spin). I ask you: What could be more natural? And here's the real kicker: we use only atoms produced through the awesome process of pure stellar nucleosynthesis! [link] No fakey imitations. When we say our steel girders are as strong as steel, we actually mean it.

Standard Disclaimer: I am not an artist, but I play one on the Internet.